I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
