I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
