At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
