what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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