I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
