Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
