My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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