Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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