Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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