I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize