Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
