My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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