the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
