guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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