Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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