I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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