you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We need to get me chipped asap
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
