fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
