My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
