Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
