Just cropdusted the office
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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