I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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