I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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