god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
