I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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