Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
