My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
