I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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