forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
