i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
