I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
