Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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