I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
