Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
