Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
