He uses pillows to masturbate.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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