JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i believe in u and ur pee
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