I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
