What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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