pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize