She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
