I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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