Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
