peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
