so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
