I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
