haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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