Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
