shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
