So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We need to get me chipped asap
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
