so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
