I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if only i could text you this smell
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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