um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
