I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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