Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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