ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
