No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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