he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
