it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize