Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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