My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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