just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize