i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize