Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
