You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just gargled with NyQuil
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
