Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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