he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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