that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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