Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
