Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
