we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Did you just see the Batmobile???
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
