you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
