So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
