I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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