I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
