I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
someone threw a dead crab at me
I think my vagina is haunted
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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