I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
