how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
