Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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