don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
