so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
