Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
