Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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