my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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